In my past relationships with the opposite sex I found that in the beginning my infatuation blinded me to the truth of the pairing. I would feel that 'this time' I was on the right track ... that it would last, and become the 'idyllic' relationship that I was conditioned to believe was a reality. You know, the fairy tale about how you would meet your 'soul mate' and live in blissful contentment for all the days of your wonderful lives ... Is that one still being perpetrated on people?

However, these partnerships would eventually devolve into their excruciating realities.

The most obvious sign that the infatuation was ebbing would be the changing of our sexual relations from one of loving and compassion to a one sided sadomasochist sex crime. I suppose that for some, sadomasochism can be part of a loving relationship. For me it turned that way when I began using the women to act out my hostility towards them.

It amazes me how many women go for this semi-psychotic violent bullshit. I guess it just shows how much self hatred is hammered into women as they grow up in a society dominated by men afraid that women might be in some ways, their equals.

It was pretty terrible how far it went some times. I'm glad today that I did not land in jail for the people I hurt.

Where did I get these angry feelings? I do not know. This painting is one of many pictures I have done which are inspired by my confused and unresolved feelings of submission and domination, my fear and hatred of women.