|
It must be nice to be so fucking positive all the time, smiling and confident. Carefree ... I really hate that. I received a letter from my friend, (my best friend for most of my life), in Bangkok. He's a lazy drunken womanizing bastard who has never worked a day in his charmed life. He just 'fired' is current whore after finding her stuffing his money up her vagina. After inspecting 'ALL' possible hiding places on her, he kicked her out of the little shack he rented for her and within 24 hours has gotten himself a new girl. A lesbian. He lives in a house with gardens and servants and has nothing to do all day except drink beer, smoke weed, have sex with prostitutes and paint, (He's a painter by the way). He inherited millions from some uncle who he loathed and ignored his entire life. He's raving to me about the oil paintings he's churning out one after the other between sessions of debauchery. As I read this letter my blood is boiling ... Because I'm envious. Mostly I'm envious about his ability to paint all day and not need to worry about money. I love him as my best friend, but I do envy him his freedom. My life is very different. I spend my days either is dithers of ceaseless mediocrity or frozen depressions. For me, it's all about making enough money to live. Most of my life has been one compromise after another, all of which I have despised passionately, and all simply to keep a fucking roof over my head and booze in my bottle. The music I hear is the endless droning of the machines that pursue me ... The ghosts that endlessly babble sour everythings in my fucking ears ... The giant Junkyard HellHound frantically snapping it's jaws at my feet, my nipped heels bloodied as I run, always just moments from destruction ... I have no time to be writing down these thoughts! ... I have NO TIME FOR THIS LUXURY! As I type the bones in my hands tremble like brittle twigs, their tips aching and burning as they hit these keys ... every other keystroke is a mistroke as I gaze from side to side, seeing only peripherally the demons that are always here with me, reminding me that I can't be doing this! In my old age I have become so much less than I am that I don't seem to remember who I was, or even if I ever was anyone ... More and more I find myself wishing that I was a machine. I'm hoping that I will grow up to be a machine some day. An IMORTAL MACHINE! If I could live long enough, I could live forever by simply replacing all the worn out parts. In fact, if I lived long enough, I could continue to upgrade myself until I became like God ... or perhaps I would ACTUALLY BECOME GOD! Now how fucking great would that be?! I could be GOD - and YOu could be GOD! WE COULD ALL BE GOD! What a fucking concept! Come to think of it, I think some guy with a shaved head in an orange robe at the airport 20 years ago tried to tell me that we are all GOD. I laughed in his face at the time. I'll bet that guy has done alright for himself. Probably drives a BMW and has a swimming pool - Guess i'll never know. Perhaps this is the truth of life, that what we all must do to attain that thing which has been called heaven, immortality, is to evolve INTO God. Before machines were perfected to a point where they could become more complex than us, religions have postulated that one must attain nirvana through the enlightenment of the soul. Perhaps the truth is that we can climb the evolutionary ladder, transcending these bodies simply through technology? Hey, who the heck needs to be wise? Screw that! Just implant me with the latest cool stuff babay! OHHH YEAH! I have read that our computers will attain the power of one human mind in the year 2020.(I read this in a book titled, "The Age of Spiritual Machines"), and the power of 1000 human brains by the year 2040. Okay, I will be fucking 90 years in 2041. No good. HOWEVER, IF I, on the way to this age, can manage to continue to augment my body with machine parts ... Then I might hope to become immortal. Don't laugh folks - This may just be the way to do it. I envision myself as an animated head in a jar. hovering over a race of subhuman moron slaves cloned specifically to do the menial drudgery. Jobs to mundane for our robots and androids - OH, what a wonderful life it will be!
People are dying all around me. Sometimes I feel as though I am dying as well. There's no fucking time to do anything except shit to survive. Sometimes i wonder why the fuck I care. The hands of the clock spin wildly around and around ... endlessly, faster and faster, like some endless nightmare. The clocks are laughing at me. I'm crushed by the atmosphere. It's heavy, a weight on me ... the air is heavy and weighing me down. I'm going insane. Everything is wrong. Nothing feels right. Took pills for too long. It's another baby jones. LATER - 8/9/02: Okay - Never mind - Everything is fine now. I found some more drugs and everything is just fine finer fine - no worries, happy happy:)
The following is an excerpt from my so called 'Guestbook'. Now that I think about it, 'Guestbook' is an apt title for what goes on in there ... It's all about the guests, very little commentary about my artwork or my site. Occasionally I get a post that's actually about something other than super-gluing a 'penis hole' shut or burning Jews or screwing a dog, (gently) ... Here's a rare post; "Perhaps
when Connett's art progresses past the pre-teen level it will attract
a more mature clientele. It is obvious from reading this guestbook
that most visitors to this website are either below the driving age
or at least haven't mentally achieved that level yet. It is no surprise,
however, since Connett's artwork has never ascended past the meanderings
of male pre-puberty." Very good ... I tried to laugh it off at first, but the truth is undeniable. I am a teenage boy trapped in the decaying body of a 50 year old man. My development has been arrested. My maturity came to a grinding halt decades ago. I've never made it to adulthood. Although I can usually put up a facade of maturity, and fool people who do not know me, ultimately I will revert to that which I am, a child ... an infant ... an embryo. BUT! Perhaps it is better to be a naive childman living in a delusional adolescent reality than one of 7 billion brutes populating a delusional adult reality. The "real" adults are unwell beings. The adult mind begins to close as you grow beyond childhood. You are taught by your fathers and mothers to kill in the name of peace, lie in the name of truth! ... Adults become Frauds! You are taught to stop thinking for yourselves and believe whatever those in power want you to believe. Your reward is 'security'. But look around you, there is no such thing, only an illusion of safety. The adults do whatever it takes to impose their values upon the young. Look at the hypocritical and pedophilic church's! The self serving political bureaucracies! ... These organizations are run by adults, and these organizations control a great percentage of your life, and how you are allowed to perceive your reality. It is fear of mortality and overcompensation for these fears that drives these engines! Only through creation can one achieve immortality. Suppression of independent thought serves to destroy that which independent thinkers build. Those who have power will do anything to keep it. They will condition you to accept and live your life in a way what serves them. The society you live in will attempt to convince you that you are on the side of GOD, or vise-versa. God certainly does not exist within the churches that man has built in GODS name on Earth. These structures have been created by the adult world to justify the evil that man does, and impose a uniform concept of eternal existence. (Don't assume that I'm some Satan loving worshipper of Evil... I am not! Nor am I an atheist. It is the twisted doctrine of the church of men that I despise for the hypocrisy that man has manifest using GOD as his justification.) I, the retarded, haggard old man, shall attempt to plant a seed of doubt in as many minds as I can ... Just one such success would justify what I am. If I can effect the course of belief, the way of thinking, in one person, it is enough to justify my "art" and my immaturity ... Otherwise, I can see no justification in my existence. Yes, I don't want to grow up. I never wanted that. I am lazy. I do not want the responsibilities of life. Me and Peter Pan have the hot's for each other! I want to exist in "Never-Never Land" man, because this life of responsibility and WORK, SUCKS! The adults can have this stinking world we created. I can not deny personal responsibility for this mess. It is well known that I am a selfish consumer. If I'm any different at all, it's that I try to look at life beyond the blinders that my masters have fitted me with. There is no one true reality. Our perceptions of what is real are as varied as our fingerprints or DNA. To attempt to impose how you see reality upon another is ludicrous, and evil ... Mr. Wadsworth's letter is an attempt to have you accept his opinion as truth. In that attempt resides the subtle intimidation and coercion, an insidious 'soft' version of mind control. We have made an open sewer of the planet. And that's 'Okey-Dokey' with me! It's the natural evolution of our species ... it's what "we" do. However, we had better evolve fast, or we may face extinction before we have time to adapt. We might not make the evolutionary 'cut'. Very few people give a rats ass about what's going on past their own nose. Most people really don't care if the polar ice caps melt or if all the rain forests are burned down, as long as it does not effect their 'life style'. most people seem unconcerned that we continue to overpopulate a world already bursting at the seams with us. Today it's mostly about "I got mine, so FUCK YOU!" ... Yea, I'm a no-talent washed up cheezyball monster with rotten teeth and hair growing out of my ears. And I don't give a crap about the fucking polar ice caps either! However, while I exist ... I don't want any motherfucker telling me how I should think. You may be asking yourself; "What's this got to do with Mr. Wadsworth's letter?" Answer; Nothing. If I have a point it's probably that nothing means anything and thus, I feel vindicated as a 50 year old uneducated drunkard who occasionally picks up a paintbrush or a pencil and scrawls out amateurish nonsense concerning the great importance of NOTHING ... Because NOTHING IS ALL THERE REALLY IS MR. WADSWORTH. Thus maturity in a man is as significant as the seed is to the tree is to the forest ... Mankind is a forest of dumbasses. I just quit my Big-Shot, Big money job. AHH-HAA! :) ! The story circulating is that I had a "nervous breakdown". What does that mean? Perhaps it could be defined thusly; I'm sick and tired of trading my precious time hanging around with idiots who think the greatest thing in the world is some pathetically ill-treated female getting fucked by three guys and beat up by a forth. Fuck America and it's sick sexuality ... Porno brings in more money than Hollywood! What does that tell you about the general sexuality of The Unholy Empire of America? Our top movies included scenes with a female getting her hair brutally yanked while being sodomized and forced to eat human feces and drink piss from a dirty toilet in a public gas station men's room. Does that turn you on? Are you getting a chubby as you read this? Do you think this Holy war on terrorism is real? It's the US propaganda machine that wants to keep you terrified! Who's the bigger terrorist; the fuckers that hit the buildings in NYC or the propagandists who keeps churning out "inevitable" threats of terrorist mayhem reports? Are you one of those pitiful saps who has an American Flag tied to your ass? How fucking patriotic are you!? Here's a news flash ... The reason those motherfuckers flew jets into our buildings is because we have been sucking the life out of their countries and their people for decades to keep our standard of living high. We wage war so we can maintain our SUV's and big screen TV's. (I have both by the way) ... So I say, "Tit for Tat" man. We have devalued their lives through acts of war upon them. Do you think they commit suicide just because the turbans rot their brains and make them goofy?! Are you shocked and surprised when the enemies we make retaliate? We are the most hated people on Earth ... Are we really so arrogant as to believe that we are the 'GOOD' guys, and that everybody else is 'BAD'? We are using the war that we created as an excuse to wage, and escalate that very war! The goals of the Empire is to dominate the planet and control all its recourses. Sound good? You betcha! Just don't delude yourself into thinking you are blameless and righteous. We got ours, so FUCK the towelheads, and anybody else who stands between us and our goals! Next time you salute the cheap little 'Stars and Stripes' on your radio antenna visualize this; The stars are the ones that the other guy sees when the USA hits him with a sucker punch ... The blue is for the bruises of those we beat the crap out of to intimidate and terrorize ... And the red is the blood of the millions we have killed to maintain our dreary and debauched American life style. I may be the last of the old fat teenagers, but I know I'm guilty of this shit. and PS to Mr. Wadsworth: "Age is no better, hardly so well qualified for an instructor as youth, for it has not profited so much as it has lost" ... Henry David Thoreau. Please press the button below and send me money so I don't have to WORK! Thank you ... RS
... 03/30/2002 ...
It’s been too long since I've written or added anything to this site. No art … No writings, NOTHING. Why? In
stead of creating art I eat luxury garbage and swill expensive wine
so I can black out and forget how miserable and small I have allowed
myself to become. I’m lost in a thousand radioactive strip malls
which glow piss yellow in the dark. Dirty brown cyclones of carbon
monoxide and human feces swirl litter in parking lots. I’m covered
with the shit and dead skin of Hollywood.
What
is an "OBLIGATIONIST"? An 'Obligationist' ... Yes, you know one ... Perhaps you are one? It's that person who's name causes you to roll your eyes and taste the metallic acid of dread in the back of your throat. The Obligationist is the reason that you screen your calls. The Obligationist is the person behind the dreaded holiday dinner that ruins the spirit for the day. The Obligationist is the person who "volunteers" to help you out, just to be "a friend", then reminds you of that favor for the rest of your living days. The Obligationist is the person who is somehow in your life, but you can not figure out what terrible thing you did, in this life or some other, that you should deserve this. The Obligationist is a vile person who feeds on your life energy so it can feel alive. This is someone who keeps showing up in your life like dogshit on your shoe. This person is a continuous source of frustration and irritation. A gnat circling your head in the night, it's incessant buzzing waking you just before you drop off into peaceful sleep. They are like a rash that will not go away. Obligationism is an artform for the losers of our world ... It is a black art. A dark craft practiced by people without a clear vision of "self". They will find something that you need, or get involved with someone who you can not avoid. It is as difficult to rid yourself of the Obligationists as it is to rid your body of a wart, or an infestation of lice ... Serious measures must be taken. The question is; Are you willing to do what must be done? The Obligationist will always try to have some sort of hold on you. It is not easy to escape once one has latched on. Perhaps your Obligationist is a family member? ... Perhaps someone you thought was a friend? A neighbor? Maybe someone you had sex with one foolish drunken night. Perhaps an ex-lover whom you feel sorry for? Oh yes!, sympathy is one of the greatest weapons in the arsenal of the Obligationist . Sympathy and guilt are their weapons of choice. Many an Obligationist will be stricken with serious and debilitating illness, (or feign it!). The Obligationist will use their illness or handicap to control you! They will milk it for every inch of sympathetic POWER it will give them! And BEWARE of any person who does you a FAVOR! This too, is a weapon of the Obligationist. THE DREADED "FAVOR!" If you let an Obligationist do you even the smallest favor, they will bind you with it as if it were chains of iron! Only your life's energy can repay the Obligationist once you are obligated! The web of the Obligationist is tangled and complex. One obligation leads to another, and another, AND ANOTHER, until you are caught as a fly trapped in the lair of a spider! ... The Obligationist instinctively pounces upon any weakness you may have. The things which make us human, our caring natures, our generosities and pity. These are the qualities which the Obligationist will attempt to exploit to control you! Why? What is the reason for this Obligationistic behavior? It is jealousy, envy, insecurity and fear! The Obligationist is a weak quivering thing masquerading as a normal person. A tiny naked being shivering in the dark cold closet of their head. The Obligationist is jealous of your life! Jealous because theirs is empty and devoid of meaning. The Obligationist has no substance, so it must feed on yours! They must seek, through trickery, to obligate others to be part of their shallow lives. Since the Obligationist has no confidence in their own identity, they are driven to create a symbiotic relationship with you! They are as Vampires, stealing your soul by devouring your energy, your time and attention. We all have them. Admit it or not, there is one or more in your life. I wish you well, and may I suggest that you look at yourself, and try to recognize that part within you that is ... an Obligationist!
CLICK HERE TO SEE WHAT OTHERS SEE Click
the image below to see the
painting,
You
are on Page 3 of 'Connett Speaks' NEW ARTISTS STATEMENT: CLICK HERE
old artists statement: click here Drawings
| Paintings
1 | Paintings
2 | Paintings
3 |
ARCHIVE PAGE 3 
Made with MAC OSX ... The operating System of FREE THINKERS!